Cool story, bro.

Do you want to hear a funny story?

Last week I ran into someone who was 100% convinced I was Anne Hathaway and then, after I proved to him that I was definitely not Anne, he proceeded to hit on me.

It all went down something like this:

Stranger: Hi, I really like your sunglasses!
Me: Oh, thank you!
Stranger: Yeah, I just love the tint and-now-let-me-analyze-every-detail-to-explain-my-undying-love-for-your-shades!!
Me: *[ASIDE] dude, calm down. I got them at the Goodwill for two dollars and they are actually being held together by a safety pin. [TO STRANGER] Um, thanks!
Stranger: You know, you really look like Anne Hathaway, you know! She’s so beautiful!
*awkward pause*
Me: [ASIDE] here we go again…
Stranger: Yeah you know she’s in that new Batman movie and everything. She’s just gorgeous.
Me: Yeah, she is!
Stranger: *eyeing me suspiciously* yeah I just love Anne Hathaway. More-complimentary-remarks-about-this-astounding-actress!
Me: [ASIDE] Oh, dear. He thinks that I am an incognito celebrity. I didn’t want to do this, but… [TO STRANGER] Well, I’m not her, see? *takes off sunglasses* I don’t look like her without my sunglasses.
Stranger: Unintelligible compliments! I just met Anne Hathaway here once so I thought I’d ask! Giggle giggle!

At this point, we had walked together for approximately 53 steps. I try to limit my interactions with unknown individuals to 10 steps or less. Needless to say, I was growing quite uncomfortable.

Stranger: So, what’s your name?
Me: I’m Rachel. [ASIDE]….why are you still talking to me? What is going on?
Stranger: I’m so-and-so and I work at some-fancy-store-over-there!
Me: um, cool.
Stranger: So, are you looking to be single? Or do you have a boyfriend…?
Me: [ASIDE] OH. I GET IT NOW. [TO STRANGER] I have a husband, actually. *flash my bling* So yeah I’m married. Sorry!
Stranger: Oh okay I’m sorry! Just thought I would ask, you know, just in case…yeah…kbye!

And then I went to work.
My life is weird.

— Love, Rach

*I reverted to my Shakespearian roots, y’all! Ain’tcha proud of me?! In case you’re not familiar with good ol’ Bill, basically this means I am talking to myself-slash-the audience, AKA you 🙂

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2 thoughts on “Cool story, bro.

comments are the beeeest. aka you're the best. thanks :)

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