Dear Future Children of Mine,

I promise that I will not give you stupid names that are really just other nouns disguised as a person name (like Apple, Virtue, Blanket, or Rumer) so that you can’t be made fun of for having a name that is also an object.

I won’t give you mixed-gender names. If you are a girl, your name will not be Michael, and if you are a boy I will not name you Kelly. When somebody reads your name, they will know if you are a boy or a girl. No room for ridicule.

Also, I won’t spell things in ridiculously weird ways that give you unnecessary stress while learning to spell in kindergarten and make substitute teachers call you strange things because they are dumb and cannot pronounce words.

On top of all of these things, I promise not to give you common names that get you mixed up with other kids and make it so you have to go by your first name and last initial throughout your entire life. And people will not think you are an 80-year-old person when you are really just a newborn when they read your name [no Gertie’s, Maude’s, Edwin’s, etc].

Basically, your names won’t suck. End of story. You’ll probably get made fun of enough without having a stupid name, because kids are jerks, so I won’t do anything to cause you more pain throughout your childhood/adolescence. Sound good? Good.

Love, me.

[sometimes I really can’t believe what people name their kids. I just came across a strangers’ blog, they have a new baby named Michael. Okay, cool! Except then I realized the whole name is “Michael Amelia”. What the heck?! Is that a boy or a girl?? Luckily they supplied pictures. Turns out it’s a girl.]

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The reasons why I dislike Twilight.

#1: the Edward-Bella relationship?? TOTALLY codependent and dysfunctional. Edward is the first boy Bella has ever dated. He is controlling and protective. Edward controls where she goes, what she does, and things like that. It’s “for her safety” in the end, but he’s still controlling her. They both “need” the other so bad that they can’t survive 8 hours apart so that Bella can get a normal night’s sleep. They shut ALL other friends out of their lives because they’re so focused on each other. Admit it, you’ve known couples like that, I doubt you enjoyed being around them. Not to mention the fact that Bella sinks into an uncontrollable depression when Edward leaves her. UNHEALTHY.
If one or both members involved in the relationship feel that they cannot physically survive without the other and become scared to leave them, especially when one is dangerous [usually the danger is that one is an alcoholic/abusive, etc, but in Twilight it’d be the fact that Edward is a vampire], that’s codependency. Try and prove to me that their relationship isn’t some version of something screwy like that. Sell it to me any way you can, but I DON’T think that sounds desirable. I simply fail to see why Edward is anyone’s “perfect man”. To me, he seems like a jerk. Granted I didn’t hate him so much after Eclipse, but I still think he’s a jerk.

#2: I think it gives girls a skewed view of how relationships “should be”. If everyone’s relationship was like Edward and Bella’s, we’d have a pretty messed up world of romance going on. beause High School relationships RARELY last, it isn’t likely that you’ll find your soulmate in the first guy who expresses interest in you [as this book may lead some to believe], and honestly- it’s better to build a relationship upon an already existing foundation of friendship. Not mysterious secrets and barely knowing each other.

#3: Bella has no character. she is flat and non-dynamic, and not interesting in the slightest. I read all four books in hopes that by the end of Breaking Dawn we might FINALLY discover why she is so special and awesomer than other humans, but no such luck.

And that is that 🙂 not trying to offend you if you do happen to love Twilight, just explaining my reasoning.

Fish Sticks?!

[Feb 03, 2012: moved this over to the new blog, because it is a classic example of one of my “soapboxes”. apparently I soapbox a lot. I prefer to call it hyperbolizing for comedic effect….and the hubs loves to tease me for it 🙂 ]

Okay, so who in their right mind would want to ever eat a fish stick? Don’t get me wrong, I love fish, but fish sticks???

They’re nasty little breaded rectangular-shaped hunks of puke-flavored fish. Gross.

And I get to make them for dinner because I couldn’t find the lasagna that was supposedly in the fridge. My lack of searching skills has caused me to inflict this foul substance upon everyone in my family, and for that I am deeply sorry. They, however, do not care that these rectangular hunks of fish are disgusting, they love them. I don’t know why.

Maybe it’s because the package advertised that they “Removed the fat line to yeild a milder taste!”Gross.

And another thing, how do you even know what’s really in a fish stick? Sure, it tastes like fish, but couldn’t it possibly be pig intestines and fish oil blended together to make a fish substitute??

I don’t know. But this whole idea of a “fish stick” disgusts me.
Whoever invented them probably thought they were a genius, but I think they need to be shot…